Catching the Curveball.

 

Kingston, Ontario, Canada

When I think of candles, I immediately think relaxation. I’m reminded of a quintessential, almost clichéd scene: a woman at ease, bathing.

She sinks into massive bubble cloud with the lights dim in the background.  Her tub is surrounded by a barrage of colorful candles - the scents blend together, poking through each of her nostrils.

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Growing up, candles were the added cherry on top in my household – a bonus for a day spent cleaning: we’d straighten up the living room, take the dog out for a walk, vacuum, do the dishes and fold the laundry. The fragrance from a lit candle, signaled a job-well-done.

My memory says it’s dusk on a warm country night in nowheresville, Iowa by the time we finish.  I stay here for a minute. My mother is in the kitchen cutting vegetables, preparing dinner – powerful food aromas fight against the floral stagnation in the air.

The mixture is a smell I love and will never forget.

Coming back to reality, I travel further north outside the states where I meet Rhian Jansen, a candle maker in Kingston, Ontario, Canada. Rhian’s been in the business of making candles for 7 years selling through her e-commerce store, rhicreations.com.

Her favorite concoction is a comingling of sweet and subtle.

“The first scent combo I ever created was Vanilla & Sweet Grass.  I’ve always been a huge fan of sarcasm and witty banter so naturally that’s the direction I took with my branding.  I call this candle ‘The Middle Child’…and of course, I’m a middle child.”

Always crafty, she’s been making ‘something out of nothing’ for as long as she can remember. Rhian’s background in the beauty and fashion industry helped keep her aligned with a home goods aesthetic, offering complementary pieces for home and spa décor.

Her and I connected over my guest episode of the NeuroNerds podcast; I wanted to share her story about the impact of her recent brain bleed on her small business.

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In the middle of a global pandemic, Rhian became a member of the survivor club. An AVM [arteriovenous malformation] at the top right of her brain, bled, leading to paralysis of her entire left side. She spent a total of seven weeks hospitalized: two in-patient and five undergoing rehab.

Having the capacity to move forward in business under such unexpected physical and mental duress is challenging. Although medical insurance is a hot button issue in the US, most employers offer disability coverage: at the highest level, you are granted a ‘leave of absence’ to recover and a percentage of your income, in the interim.

During the time of my bleed, I was employed at an environmental engineering firm. I took three months of disability for treatment while receiving 60% of my paycheck. For an independent business owner, things can look a little different, particularly in another country.  

A year and some change out, she has had to make adjustments to accommodate the new version of herself; her energy and stamina can be limited – a common fallout among survivors.

“I give myself 2–3-hour windows to work; I set a timer and force myself to stop when it goes off.  It’s always a double edge sword: if I’m still feeling good cognitively, I get physical fatigue or vice-versa.”

She suggests adjusting your expectations upon returning to work; expecting the same outcomes as before only lead to disappointment and frustration. Life post bleed ebbs and flows – you have good days, ok days and really bad days.  The trick is to slow down and give yourself grace.

“Really learn to be in-tune with your body and listen to the cues it gives you. Don’t force anything.  I’ve also found a lot of comfort through alternative therapies like acupuncture and reiki.”

I remember diving head first into yoga after my treatment. I needed something that was accessible to me that I could use on a regular basis.  Slow flow vinyasa centered my breathing and stretched the stiff muscles I acquired from being bed ridden. It gave me something to focus and concentrate on, improving my overall balance.

“I never fully knew what being your own advocate meant until I was put in this situation where it was crucial to be one.”

I won’t lie: the road to recovery is tough; listening to your intuitive self will help guide you.

Check out Rhian on Facebook @rhicreations and IG @rhicreations_.

Fast5 Facts:

Define Success: Happiness
Coffee or Tea of Choice: Oat Vanilla Latte or a London Fog (depends on the day)
Who/What Is Your Motivator: Happiness
What Balances You: Boundaries
Favorite Color: (Forest) Green

Mood Music: Suddenly I See - KT Tunstall

#beyondthestroke: The TV Reporter.

 

Baltimore, Maryland

My parents had a career vision for me.  My mother, especially, saw a path leading toward television reporting. 

Or one becoming an attorney.

“You like arguing.” 

“I don’t want to argue for a living though, mom,” I remember telling her at 17.

I personally couldn’t envision a career in either direction. Luckily for them, a tv production course was required for my degree program. If I chose to continue down that track, my semester would need to be filled with additional production and journalism classes.

I gave it a shot (because I had to) and ultimately determined it was ‘no’ for me. I’m not an on-camera person. I’m more of a “behind-the-scenes” kind of gal. 

Although tv reporting was not my ministry, it was a great fit for former reporter and stroke survivor, Shannel Pearman, who initially had different ideas about what she wanted to be when she grew up.

“I went to college with aspirations of wanting to be a lawyer – that was my dream. It wasn’t until I took a journalism class in college as an elective and fell in love. I decided in that moment I wanted to become a reporter.”

She would go on to join Rutgers University’s tv station and after graduating, hustled to position herself as future reporter, taking various internships at news stations across New York City.

“I worked so hard to get a job as a reporter after college. While there are many exciting things about that line of work, my favorite are the interesting people you get to meet and having the privilege of getting to tell their stories.”

I’m reminded of my own collegiate journey – I had a high school music teacher who heard me singing in a local park. She took me under her wing, gave me vocal lessons and taught me the musical mechanics to strengthen my voice. This preparation led to vocal auditions at Wartburg College where I received a partial music scholarship to sing in the prestigious Meistersinger’s honor choir.

For the both of us, it was one event. One teacher. One class.

“Journalism was a field I never considered, or thought could be a career choice for me. The course ignited a true love for storytelling that I didn’t know I had.”

Shannel spent seven years in the business, recounting harrowing stories like the death of a 7-year-old girl who was shot and killed sitting in the back seat of a car and the murder of Baltimore detective Sean Suiter.

“It wasn’t all doom and gloom – I did a story on a young Carroll County resident who raised donations for Christmas presents to send to those in need and the Baltimore drummers who went viral and have been featured on the Ellen Show numerous times.”

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Her life was set to move at a much slower pace with the arrival of motherhood.  In 2019, her son Jayce was born. She experienced a smooth pregnancy up until her final week.

“There were some red flags that were concerning – in a short amount of time I had gotten really swollen, gained a lot of weight and had a rise in blood pressure. I expressed my concerns to my doctor and was assured everything was fine.”

Still uneasy, Shannel went in for testing before being sent home. She was scheduled to be induced that upcoming weekend, but felt anxious that something wasn’t quite right.

“I messaged my doctor asking if there was any way I could be induced sooner - I was already passed 40 weeks at this point. Once again, I was assured I would be ok and that we were going to stick to the planned schedule. I ended up being induced after my expected delivery date. Thankfully, I was able to safely deliver my son via emergency c-section, but my body was clearly not ok.”

One week post-delivery, Shannel would go on to have a cerebral hemorrhage on the right side of her brain, affecting her left side vision. Records indicate that her bleed was due to “postpartum preeclampsia” – a rare hypertensive condition that skyrocket blood pressure and swelling after childbirth, leaving way for a stroke. 

“The signs were there and were ignored.”

All too often, Black women go unheard in the medical community - maternal mortality and injury rates continue to be higher for Black females, irrespective of income or education level (source).

“Inequality comes in many forms for People of Color, both here and abroad, but race-related health disparities are among the starkest and most resistant to progress. Being a Black female further amplifies these inequities, which is particularly troubling and ironic given the fact that Women of Color make up the majority of healthcare workers. Over the last few months, the COVID-19 pandemic has brought this unfortunate reality into even more clear focus, ” says Piraye Beim of endofound.org.

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Included in Shannel’s recovery plan are the typical methods of rehab: physical, mental and occupation therapy. Specific to her, a low-vision specialist to help with ocular complications.

I remember going through a similar set of processes after my own bleed. I had a speech therapist to assist with the onset of aphasia – a language impairment brought on by brain damage. 

Motor disorders are not uncommon with survivors. On Shannel’s Instagram feed, I have seen many videos of her interfacing with the audience. Her speech is connected and consistent – you would not be able to tell unless she told you.

“I’ve worked really hard to get to where I am today. Most videos I create come with so much work: they require lots of edits, retakes and a ton of practice, even if the video is a quick 30 second clip. I love to talk, hence the reason I started a career where I spoke for a living, but now I struggle trying to get my point across. Processing information and even finding the right words can be very difficult for me. This was an issue I’ve known about for a long time - finding a medical professional to help me with my speech has been difficult.  During my recovery, everyone’s focus was my vision; no one focused on the cognitive issues that came post-stroke. These are things I’ve been trying to research and navigate. I’m hoping to get professional help in the near future so that I can try to get as close to my pre-stroke self as possible.”

I cannot tell you the number of job interviews I have gone on where my aphasia has disrupted the flow of the meeting. The assumption is that I am ill-prepared or worse, incompetent. It isn’t that I don’t know, but that I am struggling with word placement. This is another reason why written word has become such an asset and release of mine. It is much easier for me to write my thoughts rather than verbalize them.

As Shannel pointed out, it takes a lot of practice to get to a place of confidence with your speech.

“This journey will be a marathon not a sprint. You have to be able to surround yourself with positive, uplifting people that will help you along the way. There will be days that are rough - that’s when you turn to your village. It’s also important to always make yourself a priority; your physical health and mental health are so important. Finding a team of specialists who see you, will listen to you and get you all the help you truly need is valuable. I felt that many of my medical professionals didn’t truly hear me when I would talk or express concerns. After everything that has happened, I know how detrimental that can be. I am now working on finding medical professionals who truly understand the complex nature of being a stroke survivor to make sure I am getting the best care in all areas.”

As far as retuning back to work, Shannel is focused on caring for herself, her family and basketing in the joy of being a new mom. 

“I hope and pray that in time, I will at least be given the opportunity to try to get back out there and do what I love, but for now my biggest project is just recovering and taking care of my son.”

Shannel is an incredible woman with a remarkable story – this Black History Month, we not only honor her professional achievements as an Emmy nominated reporter, but as a survivor.

“Never stop telling your story. It’s an outlet to express yourself - you never know who your story is touching or who you are motivating and inspiring.”

You can find Shannel on IG @ShannelPearman.

Fast5 Facts:

Define Success: Happiness
Coffee or Tea of Choice: Coffee
Who/What Is Your Motivator: Family
What Balances You: Jayce (my son)
Favorite Color: Red

Mood Music: God’s Plan - Drake

#beyondthestroke: Bridget, The Photographer.

 

Tucson, Arizona

The COVID quarantine has given me space to evaluate the ways in which I connect with other survivors. I was prompted to start a new series called #beyondthestroke; interviews featuring young women and men who have persevered through a brain injury, moving to forward to create interesting careers and fulfilling lives for themselves.

We are more than our strokes.

I met Bridget, a Photographer out of Tucson, via Instagram some odd months ago – we bonded over our shared experience as young survivors of cerebral hemorrhages. She has a playful personality; followers open a window into her universe: Bridget the Mother. Bridget the Survivor. Bridget the Photographer.  Her enthusiasm for the latter is mirrored in her collage work - exploring different shapes, colors and textures - sometimes using her kids as inspiration.

Under the Tucson Sun.

At the center of Bridget’s business is Boudoir – a sensual style of photography that aim to celebrate the beauty of women’s bodies. The word “Boudoir” is French meaning ‘a lady’s private dressing room.’

Such a sexy style of photography, juxtaposed against nurturing displays of motherhood, unwrap the competing layers that women often deal with – she addresses this in a recent Instagram post, “I am going to start posting my Boudoir work here. I should have done this long ago, but I was like ‘oh I can’t, someone will get offended.’ I am choosing to let go of the fear and choosing my happiness instead.”

I was curious to learn about her shift into photography and how the bleed opened a pathway to recognizing a new passion. Like myself, Bridget had an AVM rupture in her mid-twenties, “I was two miles into one of my favorite hiking trails with my daughter when it happened.”

The rupture occurred in her cerebellum, the part of the brain controlling balance and motor activities. She talks about the beginning of her photography journey shortly after her hemorrhage, using it to retain precious moments with her children.

“About a month after my stroke, my husband and I took my daughter out trick-or-treating - I woke up the next morning and realized that I couldn’t remember what she dressed up as, what candy she got, or which houses we went to. It made me sad to know my brain was now broken and I might miss out on those memories with my kids. I started taking pictures of everything, almost like a ‘backup hard drive’ for my broken brain.”

One of the more difficult parts of recovery is having to relearn basic proficiencies. Depending on the severity of the bleed - walking, talking, reading and life skills can be struggle.  Bridget taught herself how to navigate around a Canon T6i using resources like YouTube, but adding the task of mastering photography on top of stroke recovery, present more challenges.

“Learning how to use my camera was tough. Processing new information so early in my recovery was next to impossible. I would get frustrated with myself very easily; I view the world in a different way than most. Photography is about finding beauty and art in situations or moments that you wouldn’t normally see. My stroke rewired my brain to view the world in that way. Now, it’s just all about snapping that photo so the rest of the world can view it as that too!”

Finding the beauty in the madness as a form of self-expression, require a high level of creativity and confidence; Bridget constantly bucks the tradition with her photography.

“I thought it had “rules” in the beginning. I thought my photos needed to look a certain way. I convinced myself that my work had to resemble what my favorite photographers were doing. I had to teach myself how to trust my vision as an artist, and once I came out of my shell and did that… the magic started happening.”

Her brush with death reframed her outlook, “I’ve put blinders up to most negativity. I don’t focus on it – it doesn’t tear me down and get inside my mind. All I know now is to keep creating and making art that I love.”

I asked her about the creative process behind her photos and how she prepares both herself and clients for a shoot:

“Most clients have never had a Boudoir session and are extremely nervous. When it comes to my Boudoir work, I try and go over every single step of the session with them: how they will be posed, what I am looking at or what light I want to be able to catch in their hair. My clients are also my muse. I really soak in their vibes the second they walk in. When I am bombarded with all of the magical ideas in my mind, it’s tough to think of the right words to say or describe what I am thinking. Most of my clients find me through IG and are aware of my brain injury. They are aware of my unusual tendencies and the way I create. I am thankful for that.”

She shared a few stores with me about specific client sessions that stood out, highlighting the impact of working with women survivors of all kind.

“A woman came in for a session three weeks prior to getting a double mastectomy. I am all about loving your body at every single stage of your life and the fact that she trusted me to document that for her, was everything. Another was a stroke survivor: it was beyond rewarding for me.  After a stroke you become a “new version” of yourself. I didn’t like “the new me” for a very long time. I would take photos of other women who were beautiful, but I didn’t think of myself that way. Once I got behind my own lens and saw myself how the “photographer” in me would see me, it was a game changer. Being able to provide another stroke survivor with that view, was indescribable.”

Bridget’s story reminds me of something I read long ago: one of the ways to build confidence is by authentically giving to others.  Feelings of accomplishment from offering direct, positive impact – in her case, letting clients view themselves in the way she does – by extension, increase self-esteem.

Her advice to those coming out of post-stroke recovery: “Be patient with yourself. Be kind to yourself. Love yourself.”

Bridget is currently taking a break from her regular studio work due to the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic. “I’ve been getting creative and doing different styles of shoots to feed my soul for myself. I like the direction it is taking me, and I can’t wait to see what comes out of it!”

Fast5 Facts:

Define Success: Happiness
Coffee or Tea: Green Tea Latte
Who/What Is Your Motivation: My Children
What Balances You: Hiking
Favorite Color: Pink

You can catch up with Bridget on IG @bridgetclarice

Mood Music: Bright Eyes – Bowl of Oranges